PSP Limericks (by Anne Disney)

A programmer once went to school.
Thought to learn PSP - 'twould be cool.
But, oh!, all those forms,
Regression and norms...
She lit a fire with Humphrey as fuel.
(Note: "Humphrey" refers, of course, to the book, not the man!)

A developer started to write
A routine for sorting - so trite.
But he used PSP,
Couldn't focus, you see,
And it ended out taking all night!

Defects for Nothing (by Philip Johnson)

filk n.,v. A popular or folk song with lyrics revised or completely new lyrics, intended for humorous effect when read [...]. There is a flourishing subgenre of these called "computer filks", written by hackers and often containing rather sophisticated technical humor.

                 -- E. Raymond, The New Hacker's Dictionary

Defects for Nothing
Philip Johnson

(To the tune of "Money for Nothing" by Dire Straits c.f. http://www.topcat11.demon.co.uk/sla/m/m14772.htm)

Now look at them Dilberts, that's the way you do it
You track your process with the PSP
That ain't hackin', that's the way you do it
Defects for nothing and the PIPs for free.

Now that ain't hackin', that's the way you do it.
Lemme tell you those guys ain't dumb
Maybe drop a semicolon on your first compile
Maybe trap a null pointer on your first test run

We gotta install microsoft upgrades
Custom dynamic link libraries
We gotta ship these preview releases
We gotta ship these Web TVs.

See the little Dilbert with the template and the stopwatch
Yeah, buddy, that's his Delta Time.
That little Dilbert got his own office window
That little Dilbert got a T-1 line

We gotta install microsoft upgrades
Custom dynamic link libraries
We gotta ship these preview releases
We gotta ship these Web TVs.

I shoulda learned the PROBE estimation
I shoulda learned about Beta1.
Look at that momma she's doing linear regression
Man I think her test phase is done

And he's up there, what's that? Base Additions?
Bangin out the direct hours like a web monkey
That ain't hackin', that's the way you do it
Defects for nothing and the PIPs for free.

We gotta install microsoft upgrades
Custom dynamic link libraries
We gotta ship these preview releases
We gotta ship these Web TVs.

Now that ain't hackin', that's the way you do it.
You track your process with the PSP
That ain't hackin', that's the way you do it
Defects for nothing and the PIPs for free.
Defects for nothing and the PIPs for free...

Please send further contributions to anne@ics.hawaii.edu.

Last Updated: August 20, 1998